Monday, December 22, 2008

What am I doing? Oh just trying saving your life

Yeah so ages ago I asked for everybody to send me all their problems and I promised that I would do my best to help. Well, today is the day! I can't promise it's going to be as good as Jezebels "pot psychology", but hey! we don't need ILLICIT SUBSTANCES to have a good time/give incredible advice to all our brothers and sisters in need. All we need, is love.


(tried to get kitty to help with advice but she is a real bitch. next time i'll have a VERY special guest)

HELPTIME #1
Q. I haven't been to Christchurch for months, but it's almost Christmas and I'm Homeward Bound (Good movie - luv helpless animals) Where are the cool places to hang out? Is C1 still the place to be? Has Andhy Blake scared all the altbros away by asking them to model for him? What about Picasso Cafe? - H8 living in Wellington. There's nowhere that lets me use toilet paper as a napkin.
Yrs Truly, Cam.

PS. Luv it when people spell their name with zany extra letters to let y'all know they're an authentic Christchurch fashion presence/commentator. <3>

Yrs Truly,
Cahm.

A. Wow Ca(h)m, I guess you have a lot to catch up on. Andhy Blake doesn't even work at C1 anymore.

side note alert, Andhy Blake, pretty meaningful to the christchurch fashion scene. where would we be without style christchurch? all those boutiques on high street probably wouldn't even exist.


Don't worry, he hasn't strayed far, he now has a snazzy new position at Plume.
Guess it gives him a better chance to focus on style christchurch/chat up visiting stylists/designers/fashion schmoozers. Anyway, enough Andhy. More Cahm. I guess c1 is still the cool place to hang out, I mean, just look at yr fave bloggers hanging out having a meaningful/beautiful/happy time there at 10AM on christmas eve;


But seriously, have you been to Antonios? probably the best place in christchurch. small japanese bar owned/operated by a miraculous/eccentric man named Antonio. Highly reccomend! btw it's very tiny so don't move a whole party there, it could be a little awkward. or totally comfortable and cozy. who knows. get to yr yellow pages and hit that shit up.


HELPTIME #2
Q. where is the best place to get keut stockingz in chch? and how do i tell a shy altboy i love him without making him cry/write songs about it? H0PE U KAN HALLP.

A. Hey Gurl. Stockings, okay, don't rely on price as a way to gauge what the best tights are. 2 weeks ago I spent $25 on a pair of stockings (ridiculous I KNOW but I thought that they would heal my broken heart) but they just ended up laddering pretty much as soon as I put them on. Such a shame! I recommend columbine, 70 deniers, from Ballentynes. They're about $15 I think, they are incredible. So incredible that you'll run to the toilets so you can put them on before you leave the store. Now, in regards to your second ~issue~, my main advice is to stalk him extensively to ensure he is not hung up on some other girl (nothing hurts more than rejection! nothing is worse than lying awake at night trying to figure out what she's got that you haven't/where you went wrong) I don't know why you wouldn't want a shy altboy to cry about you/write songs about yr luv. I dream of that. What kind of girl are you? Maybe you could tell him yr feelingz THEN follow it with a really hilarious joke. How could he cry unless they are tears of laughter? You should probably just embrace his emotional ways, gurl, you can't change a man but you can learn to love him just the way he is! or you can just find somebody else whom isn't going to cry at the drop of a hat. maybz hang out somewhere that is a hotbed of masculinity? the woolston working mens club? hope yr not too hung up on age differences eh.


HELPTIME #3

Q.
Whyz is she torturing kitties/pussies? Is Oliver Twist as important to the scene as Gatzby? totes hope you can answer and give me meaning to my life.

A.
Wow, um. Intense. She is intense. I think thats the best answer. Oliver Twist, tots as important to the scene as Gatzby. People begging for food ~plz sir may i have some more~ is pretty much just every scene outsider (like me) trying their best to be meaningful. even if it means begging, clawing for that incomparable milk of wonder so that they can suckle on that pap of life (really, really authentic gatzby reference) Scene Princess, i'm sorry that i couldn't have gifted you (even if it is christmas) more meaning to your life. i bet it's already pretty meaningful as it is, living in christchurch will do that to you.



Well, that is all for this week! Keep your questions coming in (simone.jade@gmail.com)

It will be incredible, I promise.
Brother/sisterhood is alive and well in Christchurch. ~NEXT WEEK SUPER SPECIAL GUEST AGONY AUNT~

5 comments:

shea said...

still havent been to antonios!!!! soo fkn behind the chch times

Simone J. Gordon said...

get onto it shea! but remember, get into it, not out of it.

joh said...

neither have i!
u and me shea. let's do it. hot dates.

Pita said...

the two C1 photos in succession make it look like you're spinning. giant tea-cup style. so happy...

and even I've been to antonios, I think, though only to peek. It's the same owner as at osakaya right?

Simone J. Gordon said...

its quite beautiful isn't it, just so happy to be in one anothers company that it sends us in a spin. yeah even my dads been to antonios, get on to it shea and joh. sheesh. yeah i think osaka and antonios = totz in cahoots.