Sunday, January 4, 2009


Am I the only yrgoldenage blogger left? Or is it just the holiday season that has made the gang disappear? Is this whole amazing blog entirely under my control now? Since it's 2009, perhaps this blog can undergo a whole new direction. Maybz dating advice for all the single Christchurch babez out there. 2008 was a big year for many hearts, it is a new year, time for some new years resolutions: NO MORE SCENE BREAKUPS. Just want true love for everybody. What better way to bring everybody together and inspire all of yr heartz than to use my new found blogging power? I know a lot y'all. Know why?

Because I have read this book five times. Yes, FIVE times. Totz not ashamed to admit it. embracing it y'all. It has some pretty amazing advice, some of my favorite passages are:

"Being lonely, being alone for many people, sucks. I get it, I get it, I "get it". But still I have to say that, yes, my true belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are, is worse."

"I know. Every two weeks, once a month, seeing somebody, having a little love and affection may help you get through the day or week or month- but will it help you get through a whole lifetime?"

"No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing."

Shit y'all. So touching. Great book, not as nearly as important to my heart as The Great Gatzby [SIDENOTE ALERT: If Gatsby read "He's Just Not That Into You" would he have pursued Daisy for as long as he did? The book totz recommends ditching babes who are married. Not matter how awful thier spouse is!] but it is still a wee bit important to my heart. Can "He's Just Not That Into You" be an important book to the Christchurch scene? Absolutely not. It is predominantly written for middle aged BIOLOGICAL CLOCK TICKIN women living it up in New York City who, instead of putting t-tonez or o-lovez on thier top albums of '08 don't even have any to albums to put because they only listen to old jazz or something. UGH! Slutz.

What we all need is the "S/He's Just Not That Into You: CHRISTCHURCH EDITION"

Get it. Love it.

With such a small pool of babez in Christchurch who "get it", we have probably all found ourselves at some stage in our lives where we have had to settle for company of somebody who just isn't quite perfect. I mean, they're still amazing but there is a big chunk of their personality/style/face that just is not quite right and that you wish you could trade in. "He's Just Not That Into You" seems pretty adamant that you need to GET RID OF EM if there is something slightly wrong with them. Well, that's all good if you live in NEW YORK CITY [population: 1 billion] but CHRISTCHURCH [population: 72?? idk help me census] probz just have to take what you can get. So, if you have a luv interest whom is 75% INCREDIBLE, hold on to them tightly. In Christchurch, totz don't always get this luxury:

[Fairground Attraction, never 4get. Pride of Scotland 4ever]

Learn to love/deal with that 25% of awfulness. Come to terms with their interest in musicals/their bad posture/love of sexist jokes or worse, lack of a sense of humor/attachment to bad late 90's, early 2000's hairstylez/ difficulties in letting go of the music they listened to when they were 15. It's hard y'all. I'm still listening to Blood Brothers and this morning had a MOMENT whilst listening to this:

[pretty meaningful song ~wait they don't love you like i love you~]


LOVE getting nostalgic, feels like I am 15 again, doing NCEA/downloading songs one at a time on limewire via 56k dialup. who was the first person you knew to get broadband? I remember going to my friends house in 2k4 and we went on her computer to download some keut songs we saw on C4's INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

[whoa sidenote x 1trilli
on, remember that show? Camilla was such a fag but also pretty keut. Wonder what she is doing now?I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU CAMILLA]

um yeah anyway, enough of getting sidetracked. But it's so easy. anyway, so my friend had broadband back in 2k4 and it was incredible. For one moment the future was right in front of me. glowing. pulsating. Like Camillas face.

Alright, lets get back to love. Finding love in Christchurch. Lets just stick with the WHO/WHAT/WHERE/WHEN/WHY/HOW:

1. WHO: Anybody with a pulse. Nah, jokes. I think that we have pretty much already touched on this. Christchurch is a small pool of talent so take what you can get and hold on to it. Learn to love the flawz.

2. WHAT: What to look out for: When you are playing the field/on the prowl, you are sure to meet your fair share of jerks/sluts. Don't worry about them breaking your heart when you thought that perhaps you had a good thing going, just be glad that they are out of your life before they really got the chance to do some damage and be even gladder that you are not wasting your time with them so you can focus on the next babe in the pool of talent. sooooo many.

3. WHEN: Anytime is pick-up central. Maybe not in the morning if s/he is an alcoholic, in which case, you probably shouldn't try to tap dat. You don't want a drunk ~honey~ throwing up in your bed. If it does get to the point where they are vomiting in your bed, they're most likely not that into you.

4. WHERE: I don't know about you guys but, tutorials? Pretty romantic. It's a good way to get somebodies name so you can find their facebook. Also a great way to discuss ~hot intellectual topix~ so you can gauge how clever they are. ALSO you can discuss grades and when they beat you be all "Oh you!! You're so smart!!" and give them a gentle tap on the arm. Maybe even take it a bit further, "Wow, since you are so clever maybe you can help me out with the next essay? Come around to my house and I will make you dinner then we can work away ALL NIGHT LONG". If they say no, they're probably not that into you. I mean, would you turn down an offer like that from somebody whose form you were totally warm for? Hell no.

5. WHY: Why does everybody need to find romance? Because the scene needs love. True love will find you in the end.

6. HOW: Alright, this is cheesy. But, just be yourself and don't feel the need to act awkward or shy because somebody in Christchurch is bound to love at least 75% of you. Somebody is waiting for you and the two of you will find each other or maybe you already know one another and only time will tell before romance blossoms! If you are finding that this summer is the summer of heartbreak and rejection, don't get too cut up about it. You'll probably never get over it but you just have to embrace it and build from it. LIVE IT/LEARN IT/LOVE IT.


Two small pieces of advice though:

  • Don't ever ever ever let anybody reject you twice. Don't let them break your heart then come back because they've been out sniffing around only to find that the single life isn't as sexy and pulsating with loose morals and cum. It's not that they're into you, it's just that they're not so into being alone. stay strong brother/sister.
  • Hate to act like an awkward parent but STAY SAFE Y'ALL. The scene doesn't need any scene pregnancies or scene STI outbreaks. Where were you when STD became STI? Being a slut is an infection, not a disease.


wanderingmatt said...

Dear Simone. If that is yr reel name. (See what I did? (hard lol)). Your blogs are sweet. Keep the dreem alive. Please fahking god.

From Joe. Not Matt. wear to god.

yrgoldenshower said...

cough cough

Simone J. Gordon said...

oh goldenshower, yr so mysterious. joe, you are sweeter than any blog post i could ever write.

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