Sunday, April 12, 2009

ross brighton essays yrgoldenage

almost two months ago i wrote how i felt at the time about an inanimate object (a room).
what i thought was a satirically cynical, new-sincerity turn of prose turned out to be one of our most controversial posts in recent months. (though not as controversial as the recent showdown between ross and scene poster-designer/capitalism-h8er, jared davidson.) i got a txt which said:

'id like to speak with you' - some guy

yrgoldenjacket: o, farinaceous sagacity eschewing candor!

we were really flattered when local critic/poet/university-of-canterbury-registry-admin-guy, ross brighton, offered to critique our work. ross has an english degree; i don't even have a degree. he's practically trained in analysing stuff like this.

(note the avante-garde rejection of traditional spelling and grammar conventions):
ross: 1 youre asking too much, 2 missing the point (far more kurt vonnegut , it's called "goodby [sic] blue monday and full of his drawings for chrissake)than (i would say pastiche of a pastiche) speakeasy - the whole concept is tongue in cheek - you're taking this shit far too seriously. and it's a business not a vanity project- the idea is to get people to come and spend money, rather than have some elitist hideaway for a select creww [sic] - "and only serve gritty moonshine and play real blues—real blues, mind you: none of this 12-bar covers shit. grimy delta blues and a big black door with a big black doorman who won't let anyone in. yeah, that's a real speakeasy" - how the fuck do you make enough money to pay rent doing that shit?

the review is not a review is [sic] a conceptual critique, reported bitching about said concept, nothing to do with the bar realy [sic] at all, just saying poeples [sic] ideas are shit without looking at them properly. i think at l;east [sic]
darian: thanks for reading the blog. i agree it's not a review really. not at all. maybe i'd call it 'my thoughts when i walked into a bar to go to the toilet'.

i like goodbye blue monday. i think everyone involved has done their best to make a lovely venue. i look forward to seeing bands there.

i was there for about two minutes in total. One minute and forty-five seconds of this was spent in the toilet. so i wrote about fifteen seconds. so of course it was always going to be unbalanced, polemic and silly. i didn't even know what the bar was called when i wrote the post. i don't write with much discretion. usually if i think something i write it.

when i walked into goodbye blue monday for the first time, i didn't know anybody. when i walk into bars and don't know anybody i feel like holden caulfield and i like to use the word 'phoney'. i like the word phoney.


1. it sounds funny and outdated

2. i can pretend i'm holden caulfield and jerk off to 'fetishising the outsider'

3. it's a synonym for 'not real'.

goodbye blue monday is 'not a real' speakeasy. i think that's a true statement. it has emotive connotations and of course it can't be a real speakeasy because we'd have to ban alcohol for that to happen and i think everyone who reads me accusing goodbye blue monday as being 'phoney' knows that i know that of course goodbye blue monday is 'not real' and this is a really silly and unproductive adjective but in the context of a silly and unproductive website it makes sense

i think you are giving us huge and unprecedented compliment to think that we kid ourselves that we are 'looking at' ideas 'properly'.

has anyone else read catcher in the rye? are our pop-cultural references too erudite for our readership? is holden caulfield really saudi-arabian? is yrgoldenage racist?

ross: people say crazy shit and take themselves very seriously, especially on the net.

perjorative [sic] ... inevitibly [sic] ... be conflated, his opinions even lend you to imlicily [sic] agree on at least some level

narrative trajectory ... your narrator elaborates ... the final comment i think clinches it ... implies ... doubt, that the bar was
lacking hope prior to this moment.

I'M SORRY GOODBYE BLUE MONDAY - embattled blogger darian james' new-new-sincerity statement issued following local intellectual ross brighton's incisive analysis

this feuding would never have erupted had i instead chosen to write frankly about bar antonio's:

What's happened to you, Oosaka?
! Once cheap but yummy, now cheap but cool. - some blogger called spronkey

antonio: still smiling even after mild internet shit-talking


Audrex said...

ooooh i knew i should have known better than to put my performance documentation on the big wide internet... though i'm flattered that some shrapnel, some cropped and recontextualised form of my very own work has made its way onto yrgoldenage ;)

Darian James said...

thanks for the help, audrey. yrgoldenage is a collaborative project after all.

S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dialtone said...

That Poet Ross vs. Jared Collective post was so strewn with literary, political and philosophical footnoting/name dropping I could barely follow the points being made. Fuck them both for alienating the readership!

Ross Brighton said...

Ok, so two things....
enigma? well i'm so very flattered. I have overcome my technophobia, and have done so gladly. there is no such thing as being, only becoming, what heroclitus said about rivers et cetera et cetera.
And i am sorry to hear that i cause suffering. Much apologies. I think the exuding mystery thing might be an infection.
re "Dialtone"'s most polite and lovely comments, it should be obvious from the get-go that you are not the target audience. That would be like me saying that a microbiology conference should be in "proper english" or whateverthefuck.

and to darian - thanks for stuff and things.

Ross Brighton said...

Oh, and regarding Dialtone's comments, I would appreciate it if others would have the decency that I have exhibited in bringing my criticisms to Darian in person (and not just here, i was nice enough to give Jared right of reply at my place), rather than badmouthing me under a pseudonym.
It would be nice, but it's just a thought.

Simone J. Gordon said...


Darian James said...

"Just wanna do right by all our hearts" - S. 'Spiritual Guide' Gordon

Dialtone said...

Ross, here's another pseudonym I go by "Hi, I'm Joe King", you might have read one of my best-selling novels "Sarcasm Is Invisible on the Internet" or "In Cyberspace, No One Can Hear you LOL".

Lighten up bro, I enjoyed reading your blog/discussion, I just didn't "get" it thoroughly (that part was genuine), but that's not your fault.

I was aware that I was in over my head from the word "Ok", from there shit got too heavy - I was just making fun of my own "ignance". Holla.

S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ross Brighton said...

no sweat. all is beautiful.

James said...

shea said...


richard m said...

i <3 saerain